Many reason I am sure, not to say that I am aware of them all at this time. Assuredly the physical addiction is one. This craving, demanding of alcohol was present. (Case in point, my 3am to 4am mental flagellation goes like this: idiot! idiot!! idiot!!! dumb ass! dumb ass!! dumb ass!!! repeat. Then at 4:01am, my mind/body mentions a drink. Do not worry intrepid reader I did not drink.) So, as I unwind the Gordian Knot of my addiction, reasons to occur to me.
Irritation. At almost anything, big or small. This is coupled with a personality trait of mine, nonconfrontational. Yes, bottle it up, do not talk about, do not resolve it, drink it away.
This morning as I rode my bike to feed the horses I noticed the car window was down. This irritated me and brought to my attention, as rode, many other minor things that would irritate me. I would let them stack-up then after beer thirty (12:30pm) I could drink them away. And the great thing was they where left unresolved so I could get to the bottle the next day again.
I resolved it today, I rolled up the window. Wow. And it may happen again, I can just say: 'Please roll-up the windows when you park the car.", easy enough.
Tomorrow I will resolve the crumbs on counter issue.
4 days sober.
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