Did I use my drinking to punish? I am wondering this because I know my family and some friends where concerned about my drinking. The concern was heart felt and real. They cared.
Therefore when some type of conflict arose, real or imaginary, I could punish them by drinking and drinking more.
Let me state now; "I do not believe this to be true".
I am only wondering. Wondering if this was a way I was taking/using to feel in control of my relationships. When you are in a alcoholic haze you take actions that are not remembered and easily (for the drunk) to explain away, "What do I remember, nothing, I was drunk. What do you expect." Invalid as that statement is, it seems true to the alcoholic. Also, is not the overuse of alcohol punishment to the user and to all around him?
As I continue on my journey the question will, at sometime, be answered. At this moment it is "no"...
13 days, 1 weekend sober
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